Thank you for this article. As a hospice nurse, I seem to walk that tight rope everyday with patients and co-workers. Heck as a nurse I walk this line everyday. As many have mentioned, the past/childhood seems to be where this issue to please people begins. I felt I was never heard as a child especially after my dad died. Then we moved to a new neighborhood and school and it all went down hill from there due to kids making fun of me and my mother coming home drunk after work just about every night and staying out all Friday and Saturday nights leaving me with my grandmother, my sisters who were dealing with their own issues, or my aunt’s home where she was bi-polar and I seemed to irritate people wherever I went so I spent my life trying to people pleas I thought I moved passed all that until this past week at work. Some people I can help and all goes swimmingly, but for those people who remind me of my family and something inevitably goes wrong and they call and complain about me. The complaints are never the same thing. I love the company I work for and I love doing what I do, but sometimes I feel like I cannot work at lightening speed and when I feel pressured to be somewhere at a specific time and I have been at their home for quite sometime and I need to leave to see another pt. I feel conflicted because at this point I will not be pleasing anyone and I feel like I’ve let everyone down. This article was very helpful and insightful. I feel I was pointed in this direction to help me work through this dilemma.
When I broke up with my boyfriend last year, my confidence which had strongly built inside my mind collapsed. All of a sudden, the sky of my world turned dark due to this tragic situation. Because we’re in the same school, I would always see him appearing in front of me and even hearing some gossips about us being told by classmates who I completely didn’t even recognized. I couldn’t help but wonder why those people kept talking about me since it literally none of ur businesses!!! But still, I was afraid of being myself at that time and always guessing what they were going to about me time after time. One day, I was browsing YouTube best videos, I saw Taylor Swift, I’ve always been a big fan of hers, released her song “Shake it off”.
Wow so true , I found myself even worried about this comment and really impressed and scared by the gravity of choices that led me to this page, I used to not ever worry about any of this but some where along the line I forgot not to focus on other people’s negativity, my lie of a life caught up with me. Yes I am people pleaser and I this was not always so, I grew up in a very abusive family and in my attempt to escape the abuse I led my self down a very dark road filled with the lies I created to please others and strong want to fit in. All of those lies have almost entirely destroyed the fun unique person I once love to be. I’m only 34 and I can’t even begin to explain the insane ride that has been my life, but in an unexpected twist I have pulled my ass up from literally having heart pelvatations from the stress of it all to trying my hardest to just be me again and smile and in no small part thanks to the quote always remember if some has a problem with its theirs not yours! Because in the ladder years of your life those stupid worries won’t matter.
I would do whatever it takes to get people’s attention only to find out that no matter how hard I tried, I would never do so. Why? easy, I was not pleasing myself. Sometimes, you keep on going even though you know it is wrong, and you cant help it because you are unable to identify the problem. Once it is identified, you can work on it. Thanks to this blog, I can see more clearly now.
“Only by recognizing it and pulling it out by the roots…” … I love that! I had to pull some things out by the roots years ago and it saved my life, so yes, I totally agree. There are often long-ingrained thought processes and habits that form in childhood, times when the mind was vulnerable, etc., that lead us into the adult problems we have now. Just like you don’t wake up one day with neuroses and insecurities, you don’t wake up one day without them. … Good thing is, though, I’ve also found that advancing age tends to dim that inner flicker to please others. You simply get too tired of rehearsing that same worn-out script. … Soon the inner fire to own yourself ignites and there’s no way you can go back to the same old, same old.
I quit worrying about what others think about me long ago. I only worry about what I think of myself, and that is hard enough to deal with.lol I also remind myself of my greatest achievement, my daughter. A very beautiful,smart,independent, young lady who supports herself, takes college classes, works fulltime and has never given me a minute of heartache. I can say, I raised her alone, yes, family did help out, but I raised her and I think I did one hell of a great job. My success far out weighs my failures. I maybe somewhat physically crippled, I am no longer a productive member of society. I did however pay my dues, most of my adult life has been spent busting my ass. Up to 3 jobs at a time. A lot of times working 18-22 hrs. Aday. Do I care what anyone else thinks of me? No, when you walk a few years in my shoes, then I might find your opinion worthy of listening too. But for now, worry about yourselves, after all your the one who has to live with you!
I so needed this article…just moved to a new place and the women in the neighborhood are so judgemental that before they have even met me they have excluded or prohibited themselves from knowing me. I have waved, said hello to no avail, attended one get together thinking the ice could be broken…nothing! This has disturbed me greatly and my peace of mind. Earlier today, I decided to stop trying to see how they see me, but to hold true to what I know of myself. I wanted them to embrace me, but realized I wanted them more than I wanted myself to be happy….escape velocity set in and I began to realize I sought approval too much outside myself. This article appears to be synchronicity at work; thank you for reminding us of our truth!xo
Solid topic and argumet in this article. Decently written. Need to provide more basis and support for your nine reasons. Also would be more beneficial to the reader if your quotes were short, precise, and came from profound figures in society that people could relate to. Dwight Eisenhower and Teddy Roosevelt give great advice on this subject. Good job overall!
So you need to change what you are focusing on to motivate yourself to take action. Making a list of positives like benefits and possible opportunities can be very effective for turning your focus around.
This sounds counterintuitive and perhaps like you’re giving up. However by accepting how you feel instead of resisting it you reduce the emotional energy that you are feeding into this problem. It then tends to just kinda lose speed like a car that runs out of fuel. And oftentimes it becomes so weak after while that it just moves out of your inner focus and disappears.
Henrick, great points. I love the part of accepting your resistance, and then reviewing the positives. The other key is to make sure that the goal you are setting for yourself is one you truly want to accomplish, not just one you think you ‘should’ do, because of someone else’s expectations.
Respecting your own limitations is a sign of self respect. If you cannot give 100 percent to something you should never apologize for saying no. The ability to say no is a sign of a good leader.
Successful people understand that prioritizing sometimes means a delay in responding to emails and phone calls. Never apologize for not putting someone’s email or text on a back burner while you take care of more important things.