Thank you for this article. As a hospice nurse, I seem to walk that tight rope everyday with patients and co-workers. Heck as a nurse I walk this line everyday. As many have mentioned, the past/childhood seems to be where this issue to please people begins. I felt I was never heard as a child especially after my dad died. Then we moved to a new neighborhood and school and it all went down hill from there due to kids making fun of me and my mother coming home drunk after work just about every night and staying out all Friday and Saturday nights leaving me with my grandmother, my sisters who were dealing with their own issues, or my aunt’s home where she was bi-polar and I seemed to irritate people wherever I went so I spent my life trying to people pleas I thought I moved passed all that until this past week at work. Some people I can help and all goes swimmingly, but for those people who remind me of my family and something inevitably goes wrong and they call and complain about me. The complaints are never the same thing. I love the company I work for and I love doing what I do, but sometimes I feel like I cannot work at lightening speed and when I feel pressured to be somewhere at a specific time and I have been at their home for quite sometime and I need to leave to see another pt. I feel conflicted because at this point I will not be pleasing anyone and I feel like I’ve let everyone down. This article was very helpful and insightful. I feel I was pointed in this direction to help me work through this dilemma.
When I broke up with my boyfriend last year, my confidence which had strongly built inside my mind collapsed. All of a sudden, the sky of my world turned dark due to this tragic situation. Because we’re in the same school, I would always see him appearing in front of me and even hearing some gossips about us being told by classmates who I completely didn’t even recognized. I couldn’t help but wonder why those people kept talking about me since it literally none of ur businesses!!! But still, I was afraid of being myself at that time and always guessing what they were going to about me time after time. One day, I was browsing YouTube best videos, I saw Taylor Swift, I’ve always been a big fan of hers, released her song “Shake it off”.
Wow so true , I found myself even worried about this comment and really impressed and scared by the gravity of choices that led me to this page, I used to not ever worry about any of this but some where along the line I forgot not to focus on other people’s negativity, my lie of a life caught up with me. Yes I am people pleaser and I this was not always so, I grew up in a very abusive family and in my attempt to escape the abuse I led my self down a very dark road filled with the lies I created to please others and strong want to fit in. All of those lies have almost entirely destroyed the fun unique person I once love to be. I’m only 34 and I can’t even begin to explain the insane ride that has been my life, but in an unexpected twist I have pulled my ass up from literally having heart pelvatations from the stress of it all to trying my hardest to just be me again and smile and in no small part thanks to the quote always remember if some has a problem with its theirs not yours! Because in the ladder years of your life those stupid worries won’t matter.
I would do whatever it takes to get people’s attention only to find out that no matter how hard I tried, I would never do so. Why? easy, I was not pleasing myself. Sometimes, you keep on going even though you know it is wrong, and you cant help it because you are unable to identify the problem. Once it is identified, you can work on it. Thanks to this blog, I can see more clearly now.
“Only by recognizing it and pulling it out by the roots…” … I love that! I had to pull some things out by the roots years ago and it saved my life, so yes, I totally agree. There are often long-ingrained thought processes and habits that form in childhood, times when the mind was vulnerable, etc., that lead us into the adult problems we have now. Just like you don’t wake up one day with neuroses and insecurities, you don’t wake up one day without them. … Good thing is, though, I’ve also found that advancing age tends to dim that inner flicker to please others. You simply get too tired of rehearsing that same worn-out script. … Soon the inner fire to own yourself ignites and there’s no way you can go back to the same old, same old.
I quit worrying about what others think about me long ago. I only worry about what I think of myself, and that is hard enough to deal with.lol I also remind myself of my greatest achievement, my daughter. A very beautiful,smart,independent, young lady who supports herself, takes college classes, works fulltime and has never given me a minute of heartache. I can say, I raised her alone, yes, family did help out, but I raised her and I think I did one hell of a great job. My success far out weighs my failures. I maybe somewhat physically crippled, I am no longer a productive member of society. I did however pay my dues, most of my adult life has been spent busting my ass. Up to 3 jobs at a time. A lot of times working 18-22 hrs. Aday. Do I care what anyone else thinks of me? No, when you walk a few years in my shoes, then I might find your opinion worthy of listening too. But for now, worry about yourselves, after all your the one who has to live with you!
I so needed this article…just moved to a new place and the women in the neighborhood are so judgemental that before they have even met me they have excluded or prohibited themselves from knowing me. I have waved, said hello to no avail, attended one get together thinking the ice could be broken…nothing! This has disturbed me greatly and my peace of mind. Earlier today, I decided to stop trying to see how they see me, but to hold true to what I know of myself. I wanted them to embrace me, but realized I wanted them more than I wanted myself to be happy….escape velocity set in and I began to realize I sought approval too much outside myself. This article appears to be synchronicity at work; thank you for reminding us of our truth!xo
Solid topic and argumet in this article. Decently written. Need to provide more basis and support for your nine reasons. Also would be more beneficial to the reader if your quotes were short, precise, and came from profound figures in society that people could relate to. Dwight Eisenhower and Teddy Roosevelt give great advice on this subject. Good job overall!
I stopped reading after a while because it smelled so strongly of conjecture… Is it all just musings on facts considered to be common knowledge? (ie. humans came out of Africa and hunted Mammoths) I would assume my Ethiopian ancestors really did live in tribes and feared isolation, but I’m not an archeologist. It’d be nice to see anything to corroborate these musings. Especially if they’re supposed to change my outlook on life. A study. A paper. A professor. Anything really. Without it, this sounds only as accurate or helpful as a self help book. Sort of like a nerdy Doctor Phil. Evolution as a natural process might be true, but it was found because humans studied nature meticulously, and tested their findings. Not because they took a few accepted facts that were commonly accepted in their society at the time and philosophized them.
As long as you respect the free will of others without diminishing your own you are not an asshole imho. If you want to rule over others then you are an asshole. Mammoths are assholes bye that definition. Only a few AV’s are assholes. But if your AV is an asshole, I still think you should listen to it. Nothing more frustrating then being something you are not. If everybody listens to their AV this shouldn’t be a problem at all. The problem nowadays is that all most only the assholes listen to their AV and transform the mammoth (shared bye the tribe) into that AV (using stuff like mass media/social engineering). Schooling teaches people to listen to hierarchical authority (the mammoth) and crushes most other AV’s. A a result the “good” AV’s who didn’t get crushed bye the schooling system become misanthrope since they get bullied a lot bye the mammoth.
I think I’ll spend all my life trying to figure out what my AV is. Just like the writer says, the mammoths are everywhere when your brain is becoming adult, and if you’re lucky there’ll be people around who can give you some words of wisdom (or even a cheat sheet). But I disagree about that the mammoth is mostly about pleasing and conforming — it’s much more complex than that. The number of norms we follow in order to function “well” socially seem to be inversely proportional to our economic independency and social status.
Eh. People will still need to regard what others think of them. I’ve met too many jerks who would have loved this post, because they reckoned doing things like disrespecting other people, not listening to reasonable instructions (say, not to borrow someone else’s clothes after they’ve asked you not to, or not to be rude to wait staff, or to wash more than once weekly- all real examples) was just bowing down to the whims of others. They wanted to be themselves, assert themselves, not be a pussy- but really it was all about being able to inconvenience others or behave in socially unacceptable ways, without the consequences that usually follow from that.
The most noticeable aspects will be blacksmith houses, which appear at predetermined locations throughout the land of animus. These are nice bases for the player as well as places to cook ore, craft goods and upgrade items. Also, be on the lookout for the Romulus Dungeon, where halberd-wielding dungeon defenders will stand between you and great prizes. Lastly, hidden chests tucked away in hard-to-reach locations give players plenty to do, even after the action and excitement of combat starts to die down. The AssassinCraft mod does a lot to change the standard Minecraft experience – for the better.