To put it simply, they found that people tend to look for cognitive balance, trying to always keep their thoughts and feelings organized in a similar way. So if you flatter someone who has high self esteem, and it is seen as sincere, they will like you more, as you are validating how they feel about themselves. However, if you flatter someone who has low self esteem, there is a chance it could backfire and cause them to like you less, because it interferes with how they perceive themselves. That, of course, does not mean you should demean a person of low self-esteem!
They started by getting people to express support for the rain forests and the environment—which is a fairly simple request. Then they found that once they had gotten them to express their agreement to supporting the environment, they were much easier to convince when it came to buying products that supported rain forests and other such things. However, don’t start with one request and immediately assail them with another. Psychologists found it much more effective if you wait a day or two to make the second request.
Researchers studied mimicry, and found that those who had been mimicked were much more likely to act favorably toward the person who had copied them. Even more interesting was their second find that those who had someone mimic their behavior were actually nicer and more agreeable to others in general—even those not involved in the situation. It is likely that the reason why this works is that mirroring someone’s behavior makes them feel validated. While this validation is likely to be most positively associated with the person who validated them, they will feel greater self-esteem and thus be more confident, happier and well disposed towards others.
This is kind of a weird trick my boyfriend uses when he networks, and I'm sure there is some non-creepy way to apply it to dating: before meeting with someone he looks them up on LinkedIn, and asks a question he knows the answer based on their profile in an attempt to get them to talk more about themselves. Something like, he might see a person works in finance but majored in art history, so he might ask "did you always know you wanted to be in finance?" or "did you study finance when you were in college?" He knows the answer is no, but most people don't just answer "no" and then look at you blankly. They will usually say "no, I actually majored in art history, but then I did this internship blah blah blah" and it leads into a conversation or a story. I guess there is an element of trickery there, but that person isn't being hurt or misled in some hurtful way. It's just some active leading of the conversation.
That being said, this is again where we fundamentally differ and why I really sincerely am not offering advice so much as insight into how others might be thinking. You have decided that for you it is important you have a hierarchy, that you rate people. It helps you in many ways, it gives you a map as it were for social interaction. I, as you know (or as you may suspect that maybe Guest is the same Guest that's been communicating with you for a while ?? ), don't like hierarchies for my own personal needs and reasons. So for me, "inferior" and "superior" just don't exist. There are people who are better at some things, but I don't see them as being better in general. Just as there are people who are weaker at somethings, but I don't see them as weaker in general. I have never pragmatically considered myself inferior to anyone nor superior. Pragmatically. Emotionally though, yes, I am human. And I am fallible. Which is why nonetheless I can empathise with feeling inferior in situations. The difference is, when I look back on the moment I chastise myself for having felt that way and I try to correct that action the next time. I say to myself, "I'm just as good as any of these people" and then I make my approach.
In response to your comment about #2 & 4, I think that a way to balance between getting people to talk about themselves and letting them get to actually know you is to not ask ONLY questions, but to alternate between asking questions and making statements. In other words, instead of having a Q-A-Q-A-Q-A dynamic, you would respond to the first answer not with another question, but with a statement related to that person's answer that also reveals something about yourself. For example: "Oh, that's so cool that you play the violin. I tried to learn to play the flute, but never had the patience to really stick with it. I do like to listen to orchestral music, though." This tells the other person a little about yourself and could be a jumping off point for further conversation (or not, and then you could just move on to a different topic). Or you could make a statement, but then immediately ask another question as a follow-up to keep the conversation moving. For instance, "I like to play video games too. I'm a fan of RPGs mostly. What kind do you like to play?" Again, you're still volunteering some information about yourself that lets the other person know something about you. They might even use that info to think of some questions they'll want to ask you in return, and then the conversation isn't so one-sided anymore.
Dude, the only reason to cancel a date (or anything really) the day of is an emergency. "I'm tired" is not an emergency. It is rude because you don't know if your date may have felt the same thing and powered through to see you, or if they moved something around to meet you. Just don't, okay? Be a grown up. You are perfectly welcome to get there and be like "hey, I've had a long day, I hope you're not offended if I peace out early." Other options may be to suggest changing the venue when you get there to somewhere you can get coffee, or a place that may up your energy a bit. Seriously, if we were supposed to go on a date and you canceled on me because you were tired, we wouldn't reschedule. Your first date should be the time you give it your all and try to impress a person. You're not going to push through being tired to even meet me for the first time, why should I believe you'll push through for my friend's wedding or my sister's graduation party? To me, this would pretty much be an indication of all your future behavior.
Some rudeness is a simple case of bad manners. But often, a person who’s rude to you does so because they feel frustrated about something—and if it’s within your power to resolve their frustration, you may see them switch from rudeness to gratitude in seconds. A word of warning, though: only offer help if you can provide it immediately, as an offer of help “later on” can add to their feelings of frustration.
Do you feel like yelling at the rude people around you? Don’t. Joining in the drama will only escalate the situation. Whether you’re dealing with a drama queen who’s doing it on purpose, or an inconsiderate oaf whose rudeness is unintentional, keep your dignity intact by not letting rude behavior provoke you into a tantrum of your own.
Unfortunately, your "sexy" half-open gaze might be the reason for your dry spell. The truth is that the smaller others perceive your eyes to be, the less they like you. Researchers conducted a study on several hundred men and women and gave them two pictures to look at. Both photos were of the same man, but one had the man's eyes fully open, the other slightly closed. There was no subtle difference in expression: They Photoshopped the pictures to ensure that every single element, down to the individual hairs, were identical.
In one study, researchers had participants evaluate the likability, credibility, and trustworthiness of people they were chatting with in an online setting. Each person had a different avatar: One was an antiquated female stereotype, another was slightly more androgynous, and the last was a ketchup bottle with a face, because Science got bored that day.
That's not to say that being a good person is a bad move or anything: You just can't be so good that other people feel bad about themselves for being around you. People only dislike the nice guy if they think he's "raising the bar" for everybody else via his impeccable, shining visage. It's better to be perceived as an average person, with your own set of relatable human faults. But if you're still dead set on being so blasted "generous" and "giving," at least remember to mix it up: For every four good deeds, reach up and just smack somebody in the mouth.
It seems like everyone these days is just waiting for an excuse to hate you. There's the obvious stuff: your stupid clothes, your ugly hair, that dumb thing you do when you laugh (God, what is up with that? It sounds like somebody kicked a walrus in the neck). But your many glaring personality flaws aside, sometimes the deck is just plain stacked against you for reasons you would never expect, much less think to avoid...
She felt like a chess player who, by the clever handling of his pieces, sees the game taking the course intended. Her eyes were bright and tender with a smile as they glanced up into his; and her lips looked hungry for the kiss which they invited.
Remarkably likable people are masters at Social Jiujitsu, the ancient art of getting you to talk about yourself without you ever knowing it happened. SJ masters are fascinated by every step you took in creating a particularly clever pivot table, by every decision you made when you transformed a 200-slide Power Point into a TED Talk-worthy presentation, if you do say so yourself.
You don't have to disclose your darkest secrets. If the other person says, "We just purchased a larger facility," say, "That's awesome. I have to admit I'm jealous. We've wanted to move for a couple years but haven't been able to put together the financing. How did you pull it off?"